Happiness is what you make of it. If you want to be happy you have to do what makes you happy. Waiting for someone else to MAKE you happy is stupid and a waste of time and will ultimately leave you unhappy. Sometime you have to let go of the things you care about because it is the right thing to do. Sometimes people are just not working out together. (Even worse are endangering each other or others with their relationship) It is ok to step back and take stock in what is important to you and protect those things and people. Often the people who think we are the meanest to them don’t realize that we do the things we do for their own good. I think time with teach them that. I really miss being submissive. There is a hole inside me that is filled by being of service to someone I truly feel is Dominant to me. I find myself doing things for people of no consequence because I am trying to get some sense of that feeling of accomplishment from it.
Funny life is never what I thought it would be. I find myself at 30 a single mother of 3 with no Dom and soon no job, but stupidly for the most part happier then I have been in a long time. I fill my time with work, looking for a new job, planning for the future, taking care of my family (more comments on that later), and trying to make peace with the rest of the world.
I miss spending time chatting with the gang and being on cam. I am hoping when and if I finally get settled down and things start to have an order to them to put the site back up. I have already worked with some friends to rework the site, putting more information and more insight into what makes me tick now that I don’t have to hide what I am feeling.
Anyways the point of this is to tell you all where I am going in life. I started a exercise routine I will post it soon, I am working with a nutritionist to create a diet that the kids can be on that will also keep me from being sick and will deal better with my anemia. I am changing how I do things for my family so that I can get the sense of being of service without having to do things for people who really don’t deserve it. This includes maintaining higher standards of housekeeping, childrearing, personal appearance, learning new things and maintaining my knowledge base, etc. I will be writing more on this as time proceeds.
Well, I need to get going talk again soon, hugs and kisses sulis
