It seems that everyone around me is having a string of bad luck. No matter what I try to do I can't seem to get out from underneath this black cloud. Life seems to keep throwing me curve balls and for some reason as many as I have been thrown I still can't seem to figure out how to hit them. I think I lost my emotions somewhere. Things are going so wrong and I can't seem to cry. Usually all it takes is to see someone I love in pain and I am in tears but I have been sitting her watching everyone around me in upheveal and I have nothing to give them. Its not that I feel nothing for what they are going through. I do I just have nothing left to give. My emotional account is over drawn so to speak.
I mean What do I say to Talent that is gonna make the pain of losing his father feel any less painful or how do I say anything that is not gonna make things worse for Mom having to deal with the loss of the only man she has ever known. I mean she has been married to him since she was 18, what can I do to make that pain go away, nothing. I am torn so because I know the only thing I can do right now is cause everyone more pain. I don't want that. But it seems that that is just what life wants me to do.
Just in case you don't know My dad is dieing of kidney cancer. A few months ago he had his kidney removed and they found that it had spread to parts of his lungs. Well he has been on interlukin II treatmetns for the past few months and I have had to watch a beautiful strong man slowly become weak and frail. It is awful to see him growing old before my eyes. Knowing he only has a couple of months to live makes it worse. Today its off to california for them I hope in going there he can at least have a little peace in his heart, I know how much he misses his friends.
A little while ago Tats grandgather pass away and Soul put in his blog something I hope my dad gets to experience. I hope that he doesn't get mad at me for link to him like this but read his 04JUL00 log. Anways its getting way late and I need to sleep. And photoman for the record I really hate it when you are right about things. Damn i hate when you make me think. have fun in flag dont let that cute little pixie get in trouble.
kisses. I'm out!!
Soul sent this out today and It really kinda struck home because it made me think of all the other things they don't tell you about when you are growing up. Specially for girls. We are supposed to grow up and live happily ever after remember. Yeah right! This list is for all the people out there that need a little reality check. The things they really should have taught you in High school.
just a quick side note. For those of you who deal with me on a personal basis daily, I am sorry. Please hang in there with me. I know I have been a royal bitch. Migrains aside I just have alot of things on my mind Dad is sick, mom may be sick, money problems, time problems, life problems just trying to figure out where i fit into the world now. Nothing big huh! All I want is things to work out and for the people I love to love me back and not make my life miserable or push me away to protect themselves. I really don't think its alot to ask but appreantly LIFE thinks its too much for me to ask so I'll muddle on and work on straightening all this mess out.
RULE 1
Life is not fair-get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to
accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with a
car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't
have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a
different word for burger flipping -they called it opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your
mistakes - learn from them.
RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They
got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to
you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the
parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own
room.
RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In
some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many
times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest
resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few
employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own
time.
RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the
coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
