sulisvision weblog

Minor irritants and major happiness: The last few days I was beginnning to think that I had the kiss of death that Tal had the last few months. It seems that everything I touched got destroyed in some way and everything around me seemed to be messing up. I wont go into all the horrible details but needless to say I have screwed up at work. Been almost taken to jail. one of my cars is dieing a slow horrible death. And Dman but it seems like i have been working forever.

On the other hand I have experienced to great joy of unexpected calls from loved ones. A beautiful card from my son (significant because he is 14 and at the stage of I dont have parents)He said that he loved me and would always love me. It made me cry(but it was a happy cry). And having great friends around me who keep me from killing people. Thanks to the angel(giggles Ok I mean fallen angel wink) that stood by my side and paid the cops off for me so I could get my licence back. You have no idea how much that ment to me. I was soooo scared and knowing I wasnt alone made me feel so much better. damn that was a long day.

This next week is sorta a transition time for me. I am starting a new shift and working on getting a new job. hopefully It will include Webdesign but I havent really started working on that yet. I have soo much todo and i really having a hard time focusing but i am working on it. Well that being said thanks to all of you who have contributed to my happiness in the last few weeks and FUCK YOU to all of you who have made my life miserable during the same time you are just not worth my time.

love and kisses and sweet dreams sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 11/18/2000 08:21:00 AM

Everyday things: Tonight I had a very interesting conversation about life. made me think about all the wonderful things I do have in my life. I have a man who loves me very very much who takes care of me in little ways that noone else can understand. I have 3 beautiful children who love and need me. I have a beautiful home and friends who love me dearly.

Well that was the good stuff at least some of it. But the conversation actually came about because it was asked what made me work. What drove me to continue when I ma dead tired. when i am bored out of my mind. when it seems like nothing is going right. when there is NO LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. The answer is FAITH!

I have Faith that everything I do brings me that much closer to my goals weather I can see them or not. That good WILL be rewarded eventually. That all the horrible mean things that happen. all the obstacles that life puts in my way are simple tests of how badly I want the reward.

Ahhh the word reward. That reward my little poma is not instananous years ago I made the mistake of trying to make thing right RIGHT NOW!
NOW NOW NOW! I wanted everything right then and there. I made a lot of really bad decisions and paid dearly for them all. Some i am still paying dearly for. My reward is that sometime soon I will get to rest i will get to sit back and know that I did everything i could to give my family a good life. The family success feeds me lights my desire to continue. I want only for them to never again know pain want or fear. I will suceed. I will accomplish everything I have set out to do and it will all eventually fall into place. So shall you PoMa you just need to have some faith. Hold my hand and take a deep breath baby your not alone anymore. We are here for you. I know its hard and I know you want it all NOW NOW NOW but somethings need to come with time. It is now your time to grow. Go back and learn how to become who you are ment to be. Do it now while you have the safety of a warm nest. the comfort of a full belly. I love you i hope you always remember that.

Daddy. I know my being away frustrates you. I know you miss me dearly. I know my attention being elsewhere makes you jealous. please understand that you just being here for me means so much to me. You are my sanity my haven. I can not tell you how much you lieing beside me. washing my hair. makeing me lunch or kissing me good bye as i leave for work means to me. They are things I can never thank you enough for. Knowing that you are thinking about me and that in a few hours I will be home cuddled in your arms makes the work day not seem soooo long as I know it is. Knowing you have what you need and most of what you want fuels me to continue to push harder to work longer to get those things for you. I want you to always be happy. To alway feel loved and needed. You are the one who holds the chain around my heart and neck. So please when you are sitting there all alone missing me feeling abandoned and your "friends" are sounding much more fun to be around and escaping seems so much easier then waiting for me to come home. Remember I love you and I miss you (and your fuzzy little ferret misses you too)

well enought with the sappyness i am out of here kisses and love ans sweet dreams to all

posted by digitalsulis @ 11/13/2000 03:30:00 PM

The plot thickens: Notes to loved ones: Hmm why is it that no matter what you tell some people no matter how much you warn them about impending doom they still have to go out and do exactly what you just warned them not to do. Its like watching a train wreck, you really don't want to watch but you are sooo morbidly curious you just can't help but look. Damn laughing Don't do it man, some toys are not ment to be shared. All I see happening is alot of pain and suffering for a trio of very close friends. I know you desperatly want to be of help and you know its cool but dont fall to far into it. jealousy can be an ugly thing and not something you really want to be a part of. I like you too much to sit back and watch you get yourself in too deep. Maybe I am too late already the sword seems to be drawn for battle but are you going in for the kill?

To my buddy Kiel kisses and loves and lots of pain killers. No more 40 mile and hour run ins with moving vehicles. We like you alive all 7 foot 2 of you. <> how the hell do you miss a 7foot 2 inch guy crossing the street. hehehehe i guess she didnt miss. chuckles she hit you dead on. OK OK i know that was a weak one but its late and little sleep makes me stupid.

My poma, you know I love you girl right. Stay focused on the important stuff. dont get upset with me when I jump on your ass. I know you are destined for greater things and I am tired of sitting back and watching you hurt yourself or others. I want the world for you and I want LOVE for you. Take it easy girl focus on yourself and school and all those things we all talked about last night. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!!!! The LOVE and the LIFE will come to you when the time is right.

Puppy, thanks for reminding me that you always have to consider if what you want is worth losing what you have.

Daddy, I love you and I hope that you always consider what you have is far more important then anything you could have with someone else. I know that I am often away from you and I often have so many other things to do that I dont always have time to focus on what you need. I try i have excellent intentions of making you happy 24/7 but even best intentions dont always work out. Always remember that everything I do is for a reason. I am trying to make a life for my family, I am trying to make a life for us, paying off bills and working keep me preoccupied and not always fun to be around, I know you have all kinds of net friends who can keep you company and i know their are girls in your life who would love to walk away with you but they cant have you. You are mine and I am yours, never forget that.

That being said i am off anyone interested in joining the my blog.cam.webring please email(sulis59@hotmail.com) me a pic, short bio, and a note on why you want to be part of the ring. love ya all sweet dreams

posted by digitalsulis @ 11/12/2000 03:56:00 PM